Parents reflect
Where can my teenager practice making decisions? Can I describe my worries specifically?
Talking Well with Teenagers
Understand growing needs. Stay connected with care and boundaries.
Teenagers
Listen, discuss and practice together.
Adult children and parentsCare, boundaries and adult-to-adult relationships.
Understanding adolescence
As children grow, relationships change. Begin with their needs for independence, privacy, peers and respect.
Teenagers reflect
What independence would I like? What responsibility can I take so my family understands my plans?
Reflect together
What can be negotiated? What needs clear safety boundaries and ways to seek help?
Four reminders for talking with teenagers
Listen with patience
Talking only about your own concerns makes connection difficult. Listen to what your child wants to say.
Leave room to finish
Interrupting can feel dismissive. Give each other space and respect.
Respond with understanding
Blame can create distance. Gentle understanding helps build trust.
Stay calm and respectful
Violence and pressure damage relationships. Practice reasoned conversation.
Six communication practices
Adapt these examples to your age, circumstances and natural way of speaking.
Listen before advising
Parents can say
Would you like me to listen or help you think it through?
Young people can say
I would like to finish first, then hear your thoughts.
Understand feelings, then discuss behavior
Parents can say
Being misunderstood made you angry. We also need to talk about throwing things.
Young people can say
I’m angry, but I can try to put it into words.
Ask whether it is a good time
Parents can say
Is now a good time, or shall we talk after dinner?
Young people can say
I need a rest first. Let’s talk after dinner.
Describe needs without blame
Parents can say
When the agreed time passes without news, I worry. Please let me know you are safe.
Young people can say
Please hear my reasons before we discuss what to do.
Agree on rules together
Parents can say
Let’s discuss phone time, exceptions and what happens if the agreement is missed.
Young people can say
I would like to propose a plan and discuss my responsibilities.
Pause and agree to return
Parents can say
Let’s pause and continue at eight tonight.
Young people can say
I might say something harsh right now. I need time to calm down.
Six everyday situations
Phones and games
Parents can say
Let’s look at how phone use affects sleep and schoolwork, and agree on time limits.
Young people can say
I need ten minutes to finish this round; then I will put it away as agreed.
Agree together: Discuss use times, where phones stay overnight, exceptions and what to do if the agreement is missed.
Schoolwork and grades
Parents can say
Which part was difficult? What kind of help would you like?
Young people can say
I need help sorting out what I do not understand. Please do not compare me with others.
Agree together: Choose one achievable learning goal and a review time. Discuss effort, methods and support as well as marks.
Friends and dating
Parents can say
What do you appreciate about this person? I would also like to discuss specific behavior that concerns me.
Young people can say
I am willing to share, but please understand before judging.
Agree together: Agree on safe meeting places and ways to ask for help. Secrecy, demands for intimate images or money, and threats are reasons to seek a trusted adult. Respond to requests for help without blame.
Privacy and trust
Parents can say
I will knock and avoid reading your messages without permission. If there is a concrete safety concern, we need to address it together.
Young people can say
I need some privacy. I will pay attention to safety and let you know when I need your help.
Agree together: Ask before entering rooms, checking phones or sharing private information. Immediate danger may require necessary protective action; explain its reasons and scope when safe.
Going out and checking in
Parents can say
When you are late without news, I worry. How can you tell me when plans change?
Young people can say
I would like more flexibility. I will explain my plans and how I will get home.
Agree together: Agree on destination, companions, return time and transport. Choose a family code word for urgent help. Help first and discuss later.
Silence and talking back
Parents can say
I can give you space. Let’s talk after dinner, and please avoid insults.
Young people can say
I am upset and need quiet. I will talk after dinner.
Agree together: Distinguish needing space from hurtful behavior. Set a time to return; avoid repeated questioning, mockery or punitive silence.
Digital safety and seven communication principles
Listen first
Ask whether your child needs listening or help solving a problem.
Recognize warning signs
Pause contact and seek trusted help if someone demands secrecy or intimate images, or uses expensive gifts to apply pressure.
Agree on help in advance
Choose a family code word. When it arrives, respond first and discuss what happened later.
Seven principles: make time; choose a suitable moment; listen with empathy; express feelings; avoid judgment; be trustworthy; communicate patiently.
Repairing after conflict
Pause and return
“We are both angry. Let’s rest for twenty minutes and see if we can continue.” If needed, agree on another time instead of using silence as punishment.
Apologize for your own actions
Parent: “I shouted and hurt you. I am sorry.” Teenager: “My reply was hurtful. I am sorry.” Avoid adding a counteraccusation.
Listen again
Ask which words hurt most and what the other person wants understood. Check: “Do I understand you correctly?”
Rebuild with small agreements
Choose a change you can observe, such as knocking, reporting changed plans or letting each other finish. Set a time to review.
Words that lower tension
Try: “Let’s pause”; “I want to understand”; “Can we start again?”; “What do you need?”; “Here is what I need”; “We see this differently”; “Let’s find a solution together”; “I am sorry for my tone”; “Thank you for telling me”; “Let’s talk after a rest.”
Stay connected in everyday life
A short daily conversation
Ask what was enjoyable or difficult today. Listen, and allow your child to have nothing to share.
Do one small thing together
Walk, cook, play a game or ask your child to introduce music they enjoy.
Make room for Family Night
Take turns choosing an activity, sharing updates and discussing one family arrangement. Keep it enjoyable.
A real Family Night story
No duck snacks, but a closer bond
A ninth-grade student initially wanted nothing to do with his parents’ Family Night. His father asked what he would like to eat. He chose Dongshan-style braised duck, so his father took him on a scooter to look for it.
They searched for a long time but could not find any. Sitting behind his father, the boy had already felt how much his father cared. He said, “Dad, it’s okay. Let’s just have pudding.”
Their relationship began to change. The son came to love Family Night and even suggested playing Big Two, a card game, together.
A real Family Night story
Singing their way back to each other
A busy single mother wanted to do something enjoyable with her teenage son, who did not live with her, to restore their growing distance. He loved music and wanted to learn guitar, so she gave him a guitar.
At their weekly visits, he played and they sang together. As their voices blended, their emotional connection gradually grew again.
By beginning with her son’s interests and making time for a shared activity, the mother created opportunities for them to grow closer.
A reminder about relationships
Never let a problem to be solved become more important than your relationship with your child. — Dr. Shu-Min Tsai
When should we seek outside help?
For recurring relationship difficulties, seek family education support. If distress affects sleep, work or caregiving, consult a qualified mental health professional or doctor.
Threats, violence, coercion or immediate safety concerns call for protection first, not more communication exercises. In Taiwan, call 113 for protection support; call 110 for an immediate danger requiring police. For emotional distress, 1925 offers 24-hour support. Outside Taiwan, use local emergency and support services.
This site provides family education guidance, not psychological treatment or emergency support.